The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
