wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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