Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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