I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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