I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
