Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
