i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
