Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
