Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
