I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Two words: blizzard sex
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
