Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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