How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
