seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
