bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
