im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
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