He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
