Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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