Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
