Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
