DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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