Already got asked if we're dating
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
