He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
