she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
