I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
