you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
