Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
