I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
