life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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