I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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