i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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