toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
my poor anus
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
