i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
