Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
