My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
