im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
