Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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