Why is your signature on my underwear?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Bring me that man meat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
