You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
