i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
