I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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