I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
