How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
