I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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