He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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