sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
