Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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