thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
