well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
