That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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