Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
