I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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