Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
