Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
