i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
