I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
