u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
