I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
organizing the empties. That sober.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
