Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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