i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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