What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
