The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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