I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
